well,

that didn't take long. i'm working here until i decide to leave. my job consists of reading or playing the guitar for a few hours in the morning, waiting for guests to show up. sometimes i have to pour a cup of coffee or make change for someone. for this work i get to eat, sleep, shower, and wash my clothes for free... it works for me, i work for them.

a couple of nights ago i made a fire on the beach with some other travelers i'd met in the hostel. i was talking to a guy in the center of town, a youngish costa rican guy traveling with some others, making hemp jewelry and generally fitting the stereotype of young jewelry sellers all over the world. i invited him and his buddy to join us at the fire later. he showed with his friend, they sat, we chatted. whatever.

last night he shows up at the hostel and after hanging out for a while, playing the drums, he asked me to tell him what i thought of him. i shrugged and made some stuff up-- you like music, you like to tell jokes, you have a big family? i didn't really understand the context. "y quieres saber mi opinion de ti?" he asked me. "um, sure," i said.

he lit into me. "you are the typical united states girl, full of shit, that wants to learn spanish. you invited me to your fire the other night, you didn't give me a drink, you sat down next to my friend instead of next to me. your friends didn't talk to me at all. i spent some time in new york and i know that you all think us latinos are poor suckers, without money or anything. we're not exotic, we're just pieces of garbage."

i'm not good at brushing things off. in hindsight this conversation was hasty and mean but it still made me feel really sick to my stomach in the moment, as he continued to call me silly and racist and whatever else came to mind.

it made me remember some experiences in chile. party etiquette, first off. everyone has a drink, everyone has someone to talk to, and you are responsible for the happiness of those you invite. on that front, i DID screw up.

mostly folks in chile didn't bother me about bush or racism. but i do remember teachers and students asking me tricky questions about american history or policy ("who was kennedy's secretary of state?") and then laughing and calling me stupid, "you don't even know your OWN history!"

80% of costa rica's coastal property is owned by foreigners. americans have turned various communities into retirement villas, where you can get starbucks and mcdonald's from english speaking cashiers and hotels proudly proclaim "no tic@s on staff here!" i imagine that a lot of people feel pushed out of their own door by the flood of rich foreigners, who experience the hawaii-like climate with the central american prices and feel that the next logical step is to buy a retirement home.

there's never anything to say when someone lights into you like that. "that's not true" is impotent. "you're a jerk" doesn't help. i left, eyes smarting. i was angry. it took a while to calm down.