my new coworkers

are the cast of a sitcom.

andy, who goes by "fifiu" here (fifiu! being the sound of a little whistle, like to call a dog) told me that as a ten year old kid in LA he was the center of attention at a family reunion when he announced his three life goals: never to get married, to make $100,000 a year at least once, and retire at 35. his family laughed. "live a little, kid. enjoy your childhood." on his 35th birthday he remembered that reunion and evaluated his life. not married-- check. $100,000 a year? more than that, almost continously since beginning work. check. he retired from cingular wireless and came to costa rica on a whim with no spanish and no plan. he fell into this hippie hostel the day the completed a new room. they asked him what to name it and he didn't know any spanish so he tried to get out of being on the spot by calling the dog. they named the room fifiu! and he lived in it for a year. he's been here five years. he writes a lot, long theories influenced by pounds of marijuana, and talks very seriously about the beauty of having no goals. he seems quite happy. his hair is long, but he shaves his face. i find this odd.

reyna is from nicaragua. she is anywhere from 17 to 25 and about four and a half feet tall. she eats everything in sight, trying desperately to get fat so her parents will let her stay here. every time she goes home, she says, her uncle says that costa rica makes her skinny and ugly. she's afraid that he will keep her home next time-- he made her quit her university classes in computer science because the first semester was intensive english (to be able to read the computer science texts) and he had sent her to school for computation, not english! i'm teaching her english when i remember to.

johnny (pronounced yonny) used to be the chief of police. he must be ignoring fifiu's illegal status. he has five kids "with three different women." i must have put on a shocked face because he rushed to assure me that his father had "had 8 women" and only married his mother at 55, after 30 years together. "of the ones that i know, there are 35 of us," he said. i didn't understand for a moment.
"wait, 35 kids? brothers and sisters?!" he shrugged. "as far as i know."
johnny has 34 siblings. 34. he also, unsurprisingly, has a passel of grandchildren. one of his daughters was married at 15 to a 30 year old man. he said he has hope for the last one, a beautiful 13-year-old who comes by all the time with her flea-ridden little pup, making eyes at all the abercrombie-clad college boys. hope he's got a good plan for her.

i won't be here much longer. lastima.